Theft

Heaven help me

Please find me a new family

because

they tell me not to throw any of yourself away 

but that's a b*tch & I know it

My body feels like a child's and maybe I'm changing my mind..

Maybe I'll just stand staring with my shoes in my hands

but

How many grown men would get that?

Everybody else would but them

So let's just drink our tea and confuse them

Let's go to the next space shuttle trip

Let's dream of us

Make The Words Disappear

BORN

I was born a writer

TRY

I'm going to try

THE STORMS

 No matter how bad a storm is, we rise or fall

FREE

He was free

He had nothing, he had life

but not in the end

I Remember Being A Kid...

I remember the first time you cried DAD. I remember the way you closed your eyes and danced with me around the living room. I remember the song playing in the background and how I was trying not to cry.

I remember the first time I made you cry MOM. & I am sorry for that. I remember the words I yelled and how you couldn't even look at me.

I remember our brown van we use to travel in. I even remember looking through the hole in the back and watching how fast we were going. I remember Jane throwing up every road trip. I remember the time she threw up all over my foot
    & how I was wearing flip flops.

I remember telling my sister that she was a mistake and the way I felt after seeing her heart drop. 

I remember the day my parents told me all their "secrets" and when they let me know they weren't perfect. 

I remember the phone call at the mall on my birthday & I remember the car ride right after. I remember the family coming over telling me everything will be okay. & I remember that it wasn't. I remember all the lies I had to tell myself and all the tears I couldn't hold in.

I remember when me and my brother shared a room; when I look back now it's hard to believe he ever loved me. & I remember when I used to steal his clothes and wear them to school because I liked them better than my own. 

I remember my first kiss and how gross it was.

I remember how I wet my pants all the time
    & how I was in middle school.

I remember being a kid and thinking that I would never grow up.

Dear Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, & the Easter Bunny

Thanks for helping me believe that dinosaurs roamed the streets at night and that the fairies flew during the day. Thanks for helping me believe magic was pure magic and not something science could define. Thanks for all the pixie dust I would find on my birthday that helped me become a wizard.  Thanks for all the rocket ships I got to go on and all the new worlds I got to explore.

Thanks Santa for making me think that miracles only happened because your reindeers let them. & thanks for never giving me coal or putting me on the naughty list. Thanks for all the cookies you saved me in the morning and thanks for those left over carrots.

& thanks Easter Bunny for all the scavenger hunts you made me go on and thanks for all the new hide outs you let me find. Thanks for always letting me find the biggest prizes; I know you let me bet my sisters and brother on purpose because you liked me a little more. & to the Tooth Fairy thanks for all the money you gave me. Thanks for all the candy I bought with it and all the cookies I ate after. Thanks for handing my mom my teeth after, she really wanted to keep them. She always told me she asked you if she could keep them, thanks for always letting her. 

Thanks for never letting society tell me I was wrong. & thanks for never letting me down when the sun finally came up the next morning. 

The One Word That is Perfect

I have this word that haunts me everyday and has been since I can remember. I know that I will never be able to have it and I know I can never reach it, but I still keep trying to grab it by the neck and make sure I've got it. I keep trying to prove people wrong; I keep trying to reach for the sky with only a step ladder.

I try and tell myself nothing is impossible but that is just a lie they taught us when we were young. They told us to dream to the moon and back, but I wanted to dream to Jupiter. They taught me that I could be anything, but they were lying. The school teachers were lying. None of us in this class, in this school are ever going to reach it. None of us will ever be
perfect.

I Need Those Days

Some days I just need to hear the words "I love you" from my parents and from the guy I'm dating because he doesn't know any better. I need those days where I can wrap myself in your arms and you let me know everything will be okay, even though I know it probably won't be.

Some days I just need to curl up in a ball and cry for hours on my bed. I need those days where I know you're not there for me and I know you're never coming back, but some days I want your shoulder to support me. Some days all I do is dream of you coming back and pretending like this whole mess never happened.

Some days I need to tell myself that you hate me, even though I know you don't. I need those one in a blue moon days where I tell myself that I'm unwanted and to not care about anything or anyone else in life but me. I need to tell myself that nobody really needs me and that I am only one person who can't make a difference
    but I know this isn't true, and I need more of those days where I have to be honest with myself and let disappointment set in.

But I already have those days where mistakes are made because I've forgotten that everyone is human. & I always have those days where my best effort isn't going to be enough.
I need those days where reality is willing to slap me in the face and tell me that somethings are impossible.

Paper

If this were a paper there would be tears everywhere.