Darling, you're eyes are made up of sadness.

Right now at this very moment I don't want to say that I'm living.
I want the world to think that I am gone.
I don't want to say that I am alive through the biggest heartbreak, but it is weird because he didn't really end it.

All he did was tell me he still loves her but at the same time can look me in the eye and say that he loves me.



He'll look at me.



Then he'll smile.



& say Emma I love you, but how can someone love two people the same way?
Love isn't suppose to make you believe you're happy.
Love makes you happy.
& if I died right now I know life would go on for the people who love me.


Life always goes on for others.

Society doesn't kill everyone

From the first glance, you can tell something's different.
You can tell something inside them is different and it's beautiful.
You can tell by the background on their blogs and by the way they write every line.
You admire me.
I admire you.
You're the people who inside want to leave and on the outside are too laid back to ever let anyone know.
I think you're beautiful.

Kiss me

Kiss me. & when you do I want your hands to shake like you were nervous for the first time. The way you would keep that smile the moment I would open my eyes or zone back in. Kiss me like you were going to lose me. Put your hands up to my cheeks and tell me I am extraordinary. I don't need the cliche whisper of I am beautiful but maybe the cliche of I love you. Make me think that this will last forever because I know nothing ever does.

"What is love"

Somedays you just have to tell yourself you're in love even though you know you're only settling.

The Dream

I had this funny dream the other day. It was hilarious. I had a dream that I actually meant something to someone. That all these words I write are actually read, and oh there was this part where he told me he loved me. He screamed it to the world and it almost seemed real and possible, but then I remembered "love only existed in fairytales"

As the leaves fall, the children die.

He said I want you to write about someone. Someone you've lost. & if you haven't lost anyone, you will. Maybe it will be the girl you used to sit by everyday at work. Or a classmate. Maybe it will be a gym teacher, a principal, a family member.
Maybe it is your own brother, who wasn't all that great when you were growing up. Who hurt you in ways you weren't thinking at the time. In the ways that helped you realize the word innonce that was given to a child. I want you to write about someone who passed away on your birthday of Sophomore year. It was the first year of high school. Someone who made you feel guilty because someone days you would whisper I hate you in the air.

Write about your school friend. The one that everyone thought overdosed, but really he was just choking, wanting some air. Write about how he would call you beautiful and the laugh that stills lingers around the back of head. Write about the way he used to have your back and spit our words that your boyfriend was "thinking" of.
He said I want you to write about someone.

YOU HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT SOMEONE. 

So I did.

I never knew her

Even though I didn't know you, you're still another body dead. You're still one more person that people are crying over. & I bet it hurts to see the people's lives go on. & no I am not going to saying you were my favorite because what's a favorite color if there was only blue. I'll just say that you were beautiful. You were different and I liked that about you.