Falling in love is a choice

The truth is, we fall in love by choice. But I never wanted to Bryce. I never once told myself that we would have happened before the day I kissed you. I don't know why I kissed you, I don't know why I fell in love with you.


I can promise you that I never wanted to. I told myself to hate you. I told myself that once you mess up you can never change. I always would lie to you saying I had something, every time you asked me on a date. I don't know why I decided to say yes to one, but eventually I did. We went somewhere that wasn't fancy, someone called it ghetto. The truth is that night I realized I would miss you if you just decided to leave. I would have actually cared if you were to disappear off the face of this earth. I could feel myself starting to like you and I tried everything to convince myself those feelings weren't real. I didn't want to fall in love with you but I did. It wasn't by choice, and I can promise you that. I never wanted this Bryce.



I never wanted to fall in love. I really didn't. I wanted my life with your best friend. I wanted that to work out and I wanted that to be perfect. I wanted someone who didn't show me every day that he actually cared. I wanted someone who couldn't decide what he wanted day by day. I told myself I wanted a cowboy. I wanted someone who wanted to live in the middle of nowhere with cows and horses. I told myself that we needed to work out because the truth is I couldn't handle another heart break. I didn't want to feel ripped apart inside so I convinced myself I would have been happy. What's so bad about pigs and horses after all? I never wanted "Bryce and Emma" I wanted your name to be his. I don't know what made me change my mind. I remember our first date though. You were adorable and you kept touching me up and down. It made my whole body tense. I told myself I didn't like it, but after you stopped I realized I loved it. I wanted you to grab me and kiss me. I didn't care about him at that moment. I didn't want his arm around me, I wanted yours. I wanted you to look at me, tilt your head, and just smile.


I never wanted this,
     but it happened.